This morning Brynn said to Ainsley, "You have 2 choices... that's it. Your red cowgirl boots or your new tennis shoes. Which shoes are you wearing to school?"
Listening to her say this made me both laugh and think. First of all, do I really sound like that?!?!? Ainsley did call me "Miss Bossy Pants" the other day, so I suppose that I must sound bossy to her.
I have attended several workshops and classes and seminars about parenting. I read a lot about it during my Masters program (before I had any kids). I still try and read about it. I live it all day ever day... but I have figured out that nobody has all the answers or really comes close. I find myself trying different things and seeing how they work for us and if they mesh with my girls' personalities. Having three strong-willed (nice way of saying stubborn) children, I am always looking for a parenting skill that will reduce conflict and stress.
So, lately we have been trying out this idea of choices. I give them two choices. Both of them are acceptable. It really doesn't matter to me which one they choose... as long as they make a decision. Example: "waffles or cereal?" "dress or pants?" "you buckle your seatbelt or me?" "red cowgirl boots or new tennis shoes?"
I suppose this is working for the most part. It gives them a bit of control and they are involved in the process. Those things are beneficial to their developing selves.
However, sometimes I feel like yelling, "Eat your waffle! Wear pants for once! Buckle your own seatbelt! And wear the tennis shoes!"
Yikes... does that make me a bad mommy?!?!? Honestly, I like the response I am getting from the girls with their choices. They seem to be understanding the concept and hopefully it will make me be less of "Miss Bossy Pants"!
We give choices, too. We actually learned this when Carter was in daycare. Life is about choices. Big ones and little ones. Giving them the power now to make good decisions (even though, as you said, both of your options are appropriate) will give them the confidence to continue on progressing in this fashion. Good work, mama.
ReplyDeleteI really wise lady gave me this advice when I was pregnant with my first and I think it is the best parenting advice I have ever gotten.
ReplyDeleteWhen Bennett starts crying because it's time to go to bed I will say, "Who do you want to tuck you in? Mommy or Daddy?" And she will stop crying and name the parent of choice.
We do choices for everything. 2 choices that we pick out and could live with either one. it's a great way to go and I love that your girls are taking it to heart so well.